‘Pakistan Muslim dunya ki pehli itemi taaqat,’ reads Daily Ausaf headline


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – ‘Islami jamhooriya Pakistan Muslim dunya ki pehli itemi taaqat ban gaya’ read the front page headline of the Tuesday edition of the nation’s leading hub of jihadi journalism Daily Ausaf.

The lead story of the front page of Daily Ausaf spanned across the entirety of the Tuesday edition, with editorials and Op-Eds dedicated to the news as well.

The story itself celebrated the fact that Pakistan not only is the first itemic power in the entire Muslim world, it also underscored the reality that the nation stands strong against its global enemies with the arsenal required to destroy anyone who looks at the proud country with an ill-intended gaze.

“Neel ke saahil se lay kar ta ba Khaak-i-Kashgar – Muslim dunya ka naya hathyaar,” read a shoulder of the lead story, which had the nation in its invigorating grips throughout the entirety of the week.

The story, written with trademark zeal and religious vigour that one associates with Ausaf, along with reporting on the development, simultaneously issues a genocidal warning to the evil troika of US-Israel-India to start counting their last breaths.

“Haq ka parcham ab Washtington, Nayi Dilli aur Tel Abeeb mein lehraaye ga!” the story added