Freelancer offering services without after-job incentives sets new bar in suicide bombing industry


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

LAHORE – The fast declining suicide bombing industry was given a new lease of life on Tuesday when a job posting went viral on Twitter.

The job post, which saw a freelancer simultaneously offering services and hiring themselves for the assigned task, has been lauded as a marketing masterstroke.

Educationists maintain that given that the freelancer offered services without any after-job incentives, a new bar has been set in the suicide bombing industry.

“Recently when I said that the youths shouldn’t look towards the government for jobs, this is what I meant. It’s time to be self-employed, self-sufficient and think outside the box,” said Federal Minister for Science & Technology Fawad Chaudhry, while talking to The Dependent.

While HR professionals laud the freelancer’s self-motivation on display, experts further believe that the viral job posting can singlehandedly rekindle the dwindling suicide bombing industry.

“To see an exuberant youngster undertake a task, which usually attracts those seeking after-job benefits that this particular freelancer won’t get, is truly heart-warming,” said TTP’s Ehsanullah Ehsan, a leading expert in the suicide bombing sector, while talking to The Dependent.

“But more importantly, this would create new entrepreneurs in the private sector for the suicide bombing industry, given that the state can no longer openly support it owing to economic constraints,” he added.