Responsible citizen Hafiz Saeed files tax returns on terror funds


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

LAHORE – After getting a Rs 150,000 monthly stipend approved from the sanctions committee of the UN Security Council Lashkar-e-Taiba (LeT) Chief Hafiz Saeed fulfilled his duties as a responsible citizen of Pakistan by filing his tax returns for the fiscal year 2018-19.

Saeed who got the notification of the stipend during the early hours of Friday, September 27, managed to file his taxes on terror funds before the September 30 deadline set by the Federal Board of Revenue (FBR).

Eyewitnesses reveal that despite the complications and challenges faced by Saeed he managed to file taxes on all funds received for the purpose of terrorism and jihad updated till June 30, 2019, before midnight on Monday.

“Hafiz saab wasn’t pleased with the IRIS portal on the FBR website. Neither the classic nor the wizard display was user friendly – the latter was especially repulsive, given that wizardry is haraam in Islam,” a close aid of the LeT chief revealed.

The aide further said that the tabs and subsections on the tax filing portal were pretty confusing for people who run terrorist organisations.

“Especially when you have a charity cover as well – one doesn’t know where to show the income source. There is no terrorism tab on the portal, but Hafiz saab figured out that particular income would come under the Agriculture section,” he added.

The aide further maintained that running the household officially on the Rs150,000 stipend doesn’t mean that Hafiz Saeed’s businesses would no longer function.

“Hafiz saab is steadfast and dedicated to the cause. He will save enough from the 150,000 to run separate charities and political parties,” he said.

“The only thing that would change is that he’ll have to file his tax returns from 2019/20 onwards under 114(1) where salary is more than 50% of income filed.”