(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
RAWALPINDI – After successfully running foundations, housing authorities, welfare trusts, stud farms, and producing products including gas, fertilisers, cement, meat and cereal, the nation’s largest business empire is eying the burns cream industry, The Dependent has reliably learnt.
Prominent sources within the top business empire have revealed that owing to their latest offers, product placements and commercial policies, a demand will increase for burns cream in the country, which the business empire would fulfill itself.
“You can’t lose with this strategy: use some of your brands to create the demand for a specific product and then introduce that product in the market,” revealed a marketing strategist affiliated with the empire.
Top management sources reveal that the PR section has already been activated to begin aggressively marketing the product.
“Our digital and social media marketing handlers are especially active, and we hope to break even almost immediately as we introduce the product,” a production unit official of the empire revealed.
According to the official documents available exclusively with The Dependent, the burns cream set to be introduced in the market will be called ‘Pistol Ya Burnol’.
“Please note that the pistol is pronounced as the Urdu word, which is how it will rhyme with burnol,” revealed the product’s brand manager.
“Also, it’s the first patriotic burns cream in Pakistan,” the manager confirmed.