CITY NOTES: The conspiracy unmasked


The most insidious conspiracy against Imran Khan will come if the Democrats succeed in the witch-hunt against US President Donald Trump for his fight against corruption. Trump is supposed to have told Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelensky that he should proceed on the cases against Joe Biden and his son Hunter, if he hoped to get any aid in the (US-imposed) war against Russia. That corrupt element, Biden, is obviously guilty, because Trump said so. In his recent meeting with Trump, he is supposed to have told him that he needed a National Accountability Bureau or a Anti-Narcotics Force to help him deal with opponents. He is also been said to have offered Trump whatever evidence he needed, against whoever he wanted, if he in turn promised to investigate Nawaz Sharif and provide evidence of his corruption. Imran has even offered to ensure that no Trump opponent survived longer than 24 hours in the custody of the Punjab police with the corpse being given to the relatives with a laconic “heart attack”.

True, Chief Justice John G Roberts has not quoted The Godfather in any recent judgement, but President Trump has been described as behaving like a Mafia boss. It goes beyond having heavyset figures in expensive suits lining up to kiss his ring, while murmuring “Don Donaldo”. It was perhaps too much to expect a New Yorker brought up around the time that Lucky Luciano was being offed, around the time that the Five Families ruled New York, when Carlo Gambino was not only capo di tutti capi, but also a household name, not to want, as president, the simple pleasures of kneecapping reluctant foreign heads of state, or sending them to sleep with the fishes if they do not sort it out, fellas. I would be real thrilled to send off one’s head of the government to the United Nations not knowing if he would ever come back. Who knows, his body might have been disposed of in the Hudson River ‘in a concrete waistcoat’, especially if he made a bad speech.

However, our Imran made a good one. Now Narendra Modi has just handed over held Kashmir, has he not? Of course, the not-so-subtle threat of nuclear war would have sounded better if Imran had an uncontrollable twitch in his left shoulder and a wink in his right eye. A short crazy giggle every minute or so would have helped. And who says, he does not listen to advice? Why else did he cut out all references to reverse swing?

It seems that he is making some progress. After all, Modi did not talk about Kashmir. Instead he talked about toilets. More advice was given, and Imran stayed off this topic, though he wanted to bring them up while talking about biogas and climate change.

I wonder if earthquakes can be blamed on climate change. Firdous Ashiq Awan tried to have last week’s blamed on tabdeeli, even though so many people died. More than at Imran Khan’s oath taking. More than were killed in held Kashmir by Indian forces suppressing celebrations of Imran’s speech.

The Indian Supreme Court did tell the Modi government to get out of Kashmir as soon as it could. But it did not set a date. And now the lifting of some restrictions would mean that the requirement has been fulfilled. Of course, Boris Johnson has had it a little worse from the UK Supreme Court, which declared his prorogation of parliament unlawful. He cannot dissolve, or even prorogue. And Number 10 is uncomfortable. Only the challenge of Kim Jong-il’s haircut keeps Boris in office. Or else, he is spiritually a Pakistani, who will never give up a job which gives a free house and a free car.

Meanwhile, Shahbaz Sharif’s approvers have been given bail by the Lahore High Court LHC. That’s cheap. Zulfikar Ali Bhutto’s approver Mufti Mahmood was given an exile abroad, after all. But if Shahbaz was to turn approver against Joe Biden, I am sure Trump would let him stay in the US. I am sure Imran would not like to be kneecapped.

Courts worldwide seem to be all over the place. I mean, there was this British couple, which got it in the neck from a Portuguese court for cocaine smuggling. I am sure a Pakistani court would have taken a more lenient view of the matter, especially after the case property (the confiscated cocaine) had unaccountably disappeared in Islamabad.