Neutral venue UAE to host Indo-Pak war

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(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ABU DHABI/ISLAMABAD/NEW DELHI – Amidst continued uncertainty over Pakistan and India going to war this fall, the United Arab Emirates has stepped up to undo the dillydallying and help the two states fight the war without any complications.

The UAE’s Federal Authority For Government Human Resources on Thursday announced its willingness to host the war in December or January as the designated neutral venue for the two countries.

According to reports, the announcement has come after pilots of the Indian Air Force (IAF) refused to tour Pakistan citing security concerns.

Similarly, Pakistan has maintained that it mightn’t have a slot to host the war within the country this fall, given that a Jamiat Ulema-e-Islam Fazl (JUI-F) Chief Fazl-ur-Rehman led prolonged event is expected be held in the country later this year.

The UAE government, which reiterated its neutrality after giving Indian Prime Minister Narendra Modi its highest civilian award last month, and giving Pakistan a foreign minister visit last week, has confirmed that the ideal time to host the war would be the turn of the year.

“Around New Year’s there would be a lot of festivity and celebrations, so it would be the ideal time to have the war going on as well, to add to the party scene,” an Emirati official told The Dependent.

“Of course, there is the Pakistan Super League which will be hosted in the UAE in February-March and then the Indian Premier League in April, so December-January works best for everyone,” the official added.

According to the Interior Ministry of Pakistan the UAE government has asked for a list of participants in the war, along with their combat roles and strategies, to be sent to Abu Dhabi no later than October 31, so that their war visas can be issued in time.

However, it could not be confirmed whether such a list has been demanded from the Indian government as well.