‘Goodwill ambassadors only have to be good when they will,’ clarifies UN

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(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

NEW YORK – The United Nation has responded to Pakistan’s demand to remove Indian actress Priyanka Chopra as a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador, saying that she retains her right to only be good when she wills.

Stephane Dujarric, the spokesperson for Secretary-General Antonio Guterres, said: “When UNICEF Goodwill Ambassadors speak in their personal capacity, they retain the right to not be good when it comes to issues that interest or concern them. As part of their arrangement with UNICEF, the Goodwill Ambassadors are only required to be good when they will.”

Talking to The Dependent afterwards, Dujarric clarified that the UN’s position on the matter should not be misconstrued as support for Priyanka Chopra or India, given that the rules apply across the board for the organisation and more often than not have benefitted Pakistan as well.

“After all, your human rights minister, who wrote the letter addressed to UNICEF Executive Director Henrietta Fore complaining about Ms Chopra, only considers those humans that she considers right when it comes to voicing her support for human rights – which is almost always humans who don’t live in Pakistan,” Dujarric said.

“Although Ms Mazari has come up with valid criticism of Ms Chopra in that letter as well. In a personal capacity, I absolutely agree that Ms Chopra acted unprofessionally in how she abandoned Salman Khan’s movie Bharat after agreeing to take up the lead role,” Dujarric added.