Tariq Jameel applies for Pakistan cricket head coach position to cut out middleman


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

RAIWIND – Prominent religio-cricket scholar Tariq Jameel in his latest Friday sermon urged his followers to pray for the success of his application to become the head coach of the Pakistan cricket team.

“We all know that there is no better candidate for any position, let alone the position to manage the Pakistan cricket team – which I have over two decades of experience in – but still we must carry out the formality of reaching out to the divine,” Jameel said during the sermon.

He further underlined that he is bidding to become the head coach of the national cricket team so as to cut out the middleman.

“Yes, by the grace of Allah, my organisation and I are flowing in money, but given the state of the economy and the dollar’s rise, it is always a good idea to implement some cost cutting measures,” Jameel said.

“Also, it’s not just the financial aspect. I think it’s best if I am in direct contact with the cricketers full-time. That’s because the middleman doesn’t always say what one wants to say. These middlemen often misinterpret the written word for their own interests,” he added.

Jameel further said that he is confident that he will either get the head coach position, which he will manage alongside his other professional responsibilities, or that the Pakistan Cricket Board will create a new position for him.

“I could become the first spiritual coach in the history of sport,” he said.