National Security Committee reaches unanimous consensus on surgical baddua for India


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – After having already resolved to downgrade Islamabad’s diplomatic relations with New Delhi and suspend all bilateral trade last week, the National Security Committee (NSC) on Thursday reached consensus on the badduas used to target India, sources privy to the NSC meeting have informed The Dependent.

The top security body’s meeting, presided over by Prime Minister Imran Khan, was held as the state decided to respond to India’s “unilateral and illegal actions” in Kashmir, with the NSC unanimously agreeing that a precise, swift and highly accurate delivery of a baddua, from air, land and sea, would result in the requisite retort to New Delhi’s actions.

The meeting agreed that separate badduas are to be sent to India across the LoC – from both air and land – with maritime badduas to be delivered through the Indian Ocean.

The NSC further decided that the badduas need to be further subcategorised to target Indian actions of the past, the recent acts of aggression and its nefarious designs for the future.

“We are launching surgical badduas on India, which will completely catch them off guard. They don’t have the military capacity to deal with our infinite divine and supernatural arsenal,” said an attendee of the NSC meeting while talking to The Dependent.

Sources further revealed that Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi’s ‘Allah ki laathi chali to Modi ke gharoor ko khaak aalood kar day gi’ was in the original pool of badduas to be dropped in India, but the NSC later decided to keep it for diplomatic missions.