Persecuted men rising up against efforts to snatch their right to carry out domestic abuse I


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI/PESHAWAR/QUETTA – Calls to stage nationwide #MenToo rallies gathered pace this week following the latest social media storm about domestic abuse in Pakistan. The movement has erupted after persecuted men across the country decided to unite against efforts to snatch what they call is their ‘unalienable right’ to carry out domestic abuse.

The recent controversy was sparked after an image of a battered woman was splashed across the internet almost a week ago. Nadia Anwar, the woman in the picture, has accused her husband Khaawar Anwar of beating her with a frying pan and other multiple counts of domestic violence.

“This is all rubbish,” said Humayun Idris a childhood friend of Khaawar’s. “He didn’t beat her up at home so how can you call it domestic abuse. They were out shopping for kitchen supplies when Nadia jokingly suggested that Khaawar should wash the dishes twice a week. I mean come on. Men washing dishes? That’s not something to joke about. Khaawar is the real victim here.”

Khaawar himself denies the allegations.

“I didn’t do anything,” Khaawar told The Dependent. “She forced me, literally forced me to go shopping with her, and during the trip I got a little bored so started doing some upper cuts in the air and a few roundhouse kicks. It’s hardly my fault that Nadia got in the way and stayed there for a whole 15 minutes. I told her to move aside while I was accidently punching her stomach, but she just refused to move. That’s women for you, always telling you to do things for them, but refusing to listen when it is their turn. People keep calling me a domestic abuser, but I am very particular about the fact that I only ever accidently beat her up outside the home, just so there are lots of witnessed around to witness the fact that it was a mishap.”

While numerous people have expressed messages of support for Nadia, her allegations have spread outrage amongst significant number of Pakistani men.

“All these feminists are worse than pot of unseasoned daal. Men have rights too and it is time to claim them back,” said Danial Qasim one of the leading voices on Twitter of the #MenToo movement.

“Where does this end? Tomorrow we won’t be able to hit our wives, the next day we won’t be able to hang our kids from the ceiling fan and spank them with a spoon. I regularly beat my cow when she doesn’t give milk, is that domestic violence too?” he added while making air quotes the wrong way around when saying the word domestic.

A number of Pakistan’s leading religious figures have also waded into the debate.

“Islam gives full rights to men and we have to protect them,” said Maulana Shabbir Ali Al-Hajj Mufti-ul-Ala Qausar bin Khaleeq Al-Sheikh al…. “Admittedly it also protects the rights of women and animals, but you can’t follow all of religion all of the time. As long as you beat the vulnerable and those who are weaker than you with piety and tell them you are sorry afterwards it’s okay.”