(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD/LAHORE – The management of the Beaconhouse School System on Saturday reminded the parents of Class VII that they should purchase the ‘Pakistan Edition’ of the ‘Cambridge Science Course Book’ and ‘Cambridge Workbook 8’ and not the UK Edition.
In a post on the Facebook page of the Beaconhouse School System Allama Iqbal Town Campus, the parents were reminded that they should purchase the edition that illustrates reproduction in Pakistan, and not how it is carried out in the West.
‘Dear Parents of Class VII,
While purchasing the Science book for your child, kindly ensure that the book says ‘Pakistan Edition’ with the name ‘Cambridge Science Course Book and Cambridge Workbook 8’. It is orange in colour and has the ‘Pakistan Edition’ of the chapter on ‘Reproduction’ and illustrates how reproduction in Pakistan unlike how it’s done in the West.
Regards, Administration AIT Middle School’
While speaking to The Dependent, a senior management official of the Beaconhouse School System said the Pakistani children should only be taught halaal things.
“We want to teach our children the halaal ways to reproduce, not the haraam ways. We have specifically designed the science curriculum keeping that in mind,” the official said.
The Reproduction chapter of the ‘Pakistan Edition’ of the ‘Cambridge Science Course Book’ and ‘Cambridge Workbook 8’ shows that babies are made behind wiggling flowers and portrays the relevant illustrations in this regard as well.
“We’ve got the finest scientific minds in the country together to create a crossover between the reproduction of mammals and plants specifically to design a halaal Reproduction chapter for the Pakistan edition of the science books,” revealed one of the authors of the chapter while talking to The Dependent.
“Of course, this is for middle school. For high school and beyond we’ll further use fire, rain and thunder in reproduction chapters.”