(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Prime Minister Imran Khan returned from his three day working visit of the United States in the wee hours of Thursday, bringing back with him a fake American accent and swearing that he now has and American girlfriend.
Khan, who was met at the airport by his siblings and cousins along with a number of other extended family members, greeted his cousins with a long “Broooo” making sure to over emphasise his Rs.
“Broooo America was sick duude” he told a visibly confused Hafeezullah Niazi. “I went to the clubs, like every night bro I’ll tell you all about it. You might not understand, but that’s ok, we can’t all get it” Imran said.
Later, as Imran was driven back home by his cousin, he reportedly went on and on about his new American girlfriend.
“Her name is Kimberly, and she’s really hot” he said animatedly. When pressed for details, he claimed that she went to NYU to which his cousin Majid Khan asked how he could have known her since he didn’t even go to New York.
“Umm, I totally went to NYC. It’s like, 20 minutes away from D.C. and we basically spent the entire trip together. She’s kind of in love, with me, but I want to keep it casual” he responded.
“Imran no” said an exasperated Hafeezullah Niazi, after which the Prime Minister started screaming “She’s real she’s real why won’t you guys believe me.”
When asked to furnish a picture, he related the heartbreaking story of how both their phone camera had broken on the first day of the trip and they weren’t able to take any pictures.
“She’s coming to Pakistan next year to see me, you guys can meet her then” he said in a burst of confidence, but quickly followed it up by saying she would probably be arriving in December when his cousins would be busy, so they might not get to see her.
“Ok Imran. Sure, we believe you” Javed Burki said in the end in what was a clear effort to get him to stop speaking in that accent.