(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Shouting down critics of the government’s economic policies, Spokesperson to Punjab CM Dr Shahbaz Gill has said that the economy is fine because he has a great job.
“If we look at a sample size of one (me) we will find things are not as gloomy as the opposition and civil society are saying,” he said, speaking to The Dependent while finishing his steak at a restaurant on MM Alam Road, Lahore. “Not only am I not unemployed, but I am also paid more than what I would have, to use the loaded term, ‘deserved’, if the economy wasn’t doing so well.”
“But now, since there are more jobs and lesser people to do them, I am getting paid a very good salary,” he said, while slurping dry the icy end of his mint margarita with a straw. “The economy is raging and consumer confidence is also rising,” he said, while forking a molten lava chocolate cake inside his beautiful face.
“Why, just today, even before lunch time, a salesman at my neighbouring Honda car dealerership told me he just sold a souped-up Civic. To me, of course; I was the one whom he had sold it to, so his statement, I can verify, is correct.”