(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
A useless figurehead with no real power or role in the modern world was introduced to Queen Elizabeth II of England ahead of the upcoming ICC Cricket World Cup.
“This is Sarfraz Ahmad, the captain of the Pakistan cricket team. Technically he is in charge of the team, but really he does very little. More of a burden on the team than anything else” said the guide introducing the world cup captains to the Queen.
When the Queen inquired into why the team would carry someone like him around, when he clearly was just an added cost that did nothing productive or contributed in any way, she was told that he’s mostly just around because of legacy costs.
“There was a time when he was hanging around filling the Captain spot when Pakistan won the Champions Trophy, he didn’t do much then either, but it just feels wrong to throw out this last symbol of the glory days” the guide explained.
The Queen was also told that he was sometimes used for ceremonial occasions such as post match interviews, press conferences and meetings with the Queen.
“I mean I suppose he’s legally responsible for selecting the team and setting the field, but everyone knows that it’s actually Mickey Arthur and Shoaib Malik that do those bits. He mainly just signs off on things.”