Calls for presidential system rooted in Pakistan’s inability to deal with a post-Mamnoon world order


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

KARACHI – The growing demand for the presidential system is a result of Pakistan’s failure to deal with the departure of former President Mamnoon Hussain. This was the general consensus of the three-day debate that ex-President Mamnoon Hussain had with his own self over the weekend at his own house.

“Mamnoon, my boy, it’s no coincidence that the nation has been embroiled in a growing crisis since you left the President House,” Mamnoon said, eventually conceding the perfectly valid point proposed during the debate.

“The country just wasn’t ready for it. Those who sold false promises took your place, not knowing that they completely lacked any ability to deal with a post-Mamnoon world order,” Mamnoon said, leaving Mamnoon speechless, nay teary-eyed.

Throughout the three-day long debate that continued during meals, bathroom breaks, and the increasingly prolonged ‘Me time’, gradually the consensus was reached that since it was Mamnoon Hussain who was holding the entire country together, it is natural that his departure has left a void that simply cannot be filled.

“They’re saying they want a presidential system, but what they actually want to say is that they want the Mamnoon system. They want you, Mamnoon. But they can never have you,” said Mamnoon, in his closing address.