‘Better chance of peace talks with India if Modi wins elections,’ says Masood Azhar


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

UNDISCLOSED LOCATION – Jaish-e-Muhammad (JeM) Chief Masood Azhar has said he thinks there may be a better chance of peace talks with India if Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s Hindu nationalist Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP) wins the Indian general election.

The leader of the banned militant organisation, who has survived four attempts at being blacklisted as a global terrorist at the United Nations, said that if the next Indian government were led by the opposition Congress party, it might be too scared to seek a settlement with JeM over Indian-occupied Kashmir.

“Perhaps if the BJP — a right-wing party — wins, some kind of settlement in Kashmir could be reached,” Azhar told a small group of journalists in an interview.

However, Azhar was quick to clarify that his realistic analysis of South Asian politics should not be seen as an endorsement for Modi.

“We are worried about Hindu extremism in South Asia,” said the chief of JeM, a radical Islamic terror group that functions in South Asia.

Azhar also underlined the commonalities between Modi and other Israel Prime Minister Benjamin Netanyahu.

“They rule through fear,” said the man responsible for multiple terror attacks in India and Pakistan.