Karvan-e-Bhutto to skip Thar after failing to find locals with enough calorie intake to chant ‘Jiye Bhutto’


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

KARACHI – The Bilawal Bhutto Zardari led special train carrying hundreds of Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) workers to Larkana, the hometown of Bhuttos, will skip Thar after the organisers failed to find and assemble locals with a calorie intake sufficient enough for them to be able to intermittently chant ‘Jiye Bhutto’ across a two-hour stretch.

Sources privy to the organisers of the Karwan-e-Bhutto (Caravan of Bhutto) told The Dependent that while sufficient intake of calories is usually taken care of in time for the PPP to organise rallies in Thar, it wasn’t possible this time around.

“It was also difficult to gather people from other parts of Sindh and showcase them as Thar locals since the train was going to pass through railway stations, where some semblance of local life exists,” an organiser told The Dependent.

According to nutritionists hired by the PPP, an average adult needs around 437 calories to stand in a gathering for two hours and chant ‘Jiye Bhutto’ on an average of every five minutes.

“Usually we are able to provide these to a large enough number for it to count as a massive gathering of people, but we just didn’t have enough time to plan it this time around,” noted a senior organiser of Karwan-e-Bhutto.