(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
In heart wrenching scenes that have cultivated tears from the eyes of even the most hardened individuals, the entire world was moved as downed Indian Air Force pilot Wing Commander Abhinandan bid farewell to the toilet he had been using while under arrest in Pakistan.
Emotions were high as the Wing Commander gently stroked the sides of the toilet’s upper half, letting it know that it would all be ok and he would never forget her.
“Don’t worry Basanti” he told the toilet, using the name he had given it over the course of his detention in Pakistan, “we may be star-crossed, and divided by decades of bad blood and boundaries, but we’ll always be connected in here” he said, placing his finger on top of Basanti’s flush button, under which the toilet’s pump – the closest thing to a heart in the contraption – resides.
“I just need you to know, that these past couple of days have been the best of my entire life, and nothing has or ever will compare to it.”
“Guys, do you think you could give us a minute” he said to the Pakistani soldiers standing guard, who were so moved that they gave the two their privacy.
According to details available exclusively with The Dependent, upon finding himself and Basanti alone, the Wing Commander hastily dropped his pants before one final session of passionate defecation.
Afterwards, he smoked a cigarette, wistfully ghosting a single finger along the comfortable toilet seat, a bittersweet smile on his face as he pressed the flush button for the final time.
The Wing Commander then turned around quickly, not looking back as he headed out, putting on shades not to look cool, but to hide the tears trekking down his cheeks and slowly being soaked up by his magnanimous moustache.