(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Rubbishing rumours of joining the ruling Bharatiya Janata Party (BJP), federal information minister Fawad Chaudhry said on Thursday that he has no such intentions.
“I absolutely and categorically reject this ludicrous rumour,” said Chaudhry, while speaking to reporters at a press conference. “There is absolutely no reason for me to join the party. I mean even if there was a reason, I won’t join it because of the principle.”
Chaudhry, who has previously been in former dictator Pervez Musharraf’s All Pakistan Muslim League and the Pakistan People’s Party before joining the ruling PTI, has said that he cannot even think of hopping over to the BJP or any Indian party because he is a Pakistani first and foremost.
“You think I am up for sale, some type of an opportunist who will worship the rising sun? I have news for you, because our jets have shot down two IAF jets,” he said. “I mean even if they hadn’t, I would still not have joined because I am a Pakistani, come on.”
“You think I had been preparing for all eventualities in secret? That I had been practicing the words Mazboot Neta, Niranayak Sarkaar: Bharatiya Janata Party! in front of a mirror? Well, have I got news for you: I wasn’t.”
“You guys are stupid.”