Qureshi contacts UN for deescalation with India, maybe get nephew job at UN


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Foreign Minister Shah Mahmood Qureshi has written to the Secretary General of the United Nations to ‘help deescalate tensions with neighbouring India’ in light of the current tensions between the two. He has also asked him to perhaps get his nephew a job at the UN.

Qureshi, in his letter, raised concerns over the “negative tactics” used by Prime Minister Narendra Modi’s government to get political mileage ahead of the elections in India. He also told the Secretary General that Ali Asghar was a fine young man who couldn’t find a job till yet and he would shine if he could be given a gig at the UN.

“Is Ali Asghar an intellectual giant? No,” wrote the foreign minister. “But does he spend every day trying to better himself intellectually? The answer, once again, is no, sadly.”

“But my sister is on my case. I told her I’d be able to get him one of the MP scale thingies over at the Foreign Office, despite all the flak I’d get for it, but she insists it’s the UN or bust.”

“Do a fellow diplomat – a foreign minister is also a diplomat, I’ll have you know – a favour and I’ll be grateful,” he wrote in his letter.

“Also, Modi. Modi needs to be calmed down.”