Panic in Pakistan as India withholds strategic Total Dhamaal reserves


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

A crisis has erupted in Pakistan as neighbouring India has decided to withhold its strategic Total Dhamaal reserves. Prominent Indian non-state actor Ajay Devgn declared on the 17th of February that Total Dhamaal would not be shared in Pakistan, leading to a protest by the Pakistani Foreign Office.

Upon being summoned, the Indian High Commissioner in Islamabad, Ajay Basaria, conveyed to the foreign secretary that the Indian government was not party to the decision in the first place but would not even exercise the diplomat leverage it has with these private groups on account of the bad relations currently existing between the two countries.

“We are exploring all options, including invoking the Geneva Convention, to which both India and Pakistan are signatory,” Foreign Office Spokesperson Dr Faisal said to reporters at an emergency press conference in Islamabad.

Meanwhile, the four Inspectors General of Police and Chief Secretaries have been asked to alter for any and all riots that might start out as a result of this act of cutting off this crucial supply to the nation.

“We would urge all our citizens to remain calm,” said Federal Minister of State for Interior Shehryar Afridi. “Even though it would understandably be difficult. Around 75 percent of the female students of the capital and 40 percent of the male students can take their mind off this crisis with Ice and other drugs but the rest of the country must remain calm.