FIA to arrest Google translate for helping Pashteen write NYT OP-Ed


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

The Federal Investigation Agency (FIA) has announced that it will arrest Google Translate for assisting known rabble-rouser Manzoor Pashteen in writing an opinion piece in the New York Times.

“Assisting miscreants like Manzoor Pashteen is a crime and we have reason to believe that Google Translate played a pivotal role in the production of that op-ed piece,” said Fayaz Kakakhel, Deputy Director at the FIA.

“We have completed the paperwork and are going to swoop in even though Google Translate’s wherabouts are currently unknown.”

“What are we going to start a door-to-door search operation for Google Translate in Peshawar, Islamabad, Wana and Miranshah,” he said.

“We have ways of making people talk.”

“In fact, I’m on my way right now to Ramna Police Station in Islamabad. The fellows that have been apprehended are trying to explain to us what Google Translate is,” he continued.

“Trying to make fools out of us. If we were so silly, would we have been able to clear our CSS exams? I didn’t ace Everyday Science, Muhammadan Law and International Relations to be told by these cretins what’s what.”