Symbol of Federation says batsmen not hitting hard enough, bowlers have lost their touch


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Symbol of the Federation President Arif Alvi has said that he thinks Pakistan’s batsmen are not going after the ball with the intent they should have, causing them their recent woes in their T20 series against South Africa.

Making his views public on social media platform twitter, the President said that he felt one Pakistani batsman in particular was playing too slowly. He also went on to add that he felt the team’s bowlers had forgotten the art of bowling the slower ball.

A dentist by profession with nothing to do with the world of cricket other than being the boss of a man who led the team to its only World Cup win, the Commander-in-Chief of the Pakistan armed forces threw shade at a 22-year-old boy, cryptically saying “one of our batsmen was too slow for T20” before going on to slam the team’s pace attack in the same breath saying “our bowlers could not bowl slower balls.”

The man whose signature adorns the passport of ever Pakistani was reportedly watching the match live on the edge of his seat, his many profanities directed at his own countrymen audible through the halls of the President House in Islamabad as Pakistan fell short by a few runs in a thriller against South Africa.

One of the three constituents of the federal parliament was also found offering senseless but very loud commentary throughout the game, and shaking his head after, insisting Pakistan would have won if only they had done as he said.