Upcoming channel promises brave journalism, suppression, muted journalism, financial troubles, layoffs, closure


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

An exciting new entrant to the nation’s lively news media has promised brave, unfettered journalism to its prospective viewers.

In its first public communication, the Reporters Television News (RTN) network has also promised some muted journalism in response to suppression that will follow that initial spell of brave journalism.

“Yes, though we have no agency (no pun intended) over the suppression, we will certainly have a response to it: muted journalism.”

“After that,” read the RTN’s careers advertisement in local papers and its Facebook account, “we promise financial troubles because of the current status of the advertising industry, leading to salary delays and subsequent layoffs.”

“Resulting in the closure of the RTN.”

Industry analysts have responded well to RTN’s initial advertising.

“Very often we see that news media outfits don’t have a vision and have an inability to chart out realistic gameplans,” said Samir Hassan, a media buying executive.

“With RTN, I feel they have a believable trajectory planned out. I think they will achieve it.”

RTN has already started receiving responses to its careers ad.

“I would love to work here,” said Faiza Hassan, an award-winning journalist with 5 years of Punjab secretariat reporting experience under her belt.

“I can’t wait to be unemployed in two-to-three years time!”