Knocked out Pakistan hockey team says distracted by lack of protests against them in India


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

After being eliminated from the ongoing Hockey World Cup, the Pakistan hockey team confessed to being distracted by the sheer lack of controversy and protests against them.

Speaking to The Dependent after the 5-0 defeat against Belgium in the crossover, Pakistan team manager and legend Hassan Sardar said his side’s poor performance was owing to discriminatory behaviour against them.

“The treatment meted out to the hockey side was in complete contrast to what is given to Pakistani cricketers, politicians, actors, and musicians,” Sardar said.

“No pitches were dug out, no inks were thrown, no harsh statements were released, no protests were planned, no controversy was created, no f***s were given – nobody cared that a bunch of Pakistanis were camped in a coastal state of India.”

“This would not have been possible when I was playing hockey,” he maintained.

“Well, things would not have been like this when I was playing either,” said assistant coach Rehan Butt while talking to The Dependent. “Sure I didn’t win much in my time, but at least people would recognise me on the streets – India or Pakistan.”

“Now it’s hard to find people back home who can name any three four players of our hockey side,” he added. “And looking at the disjointed way we played throughout the World Cup, perhaps it’d be hard to find people within the playing squad who would know the names either.”