Markets stabilise after Asad Umer announces once again that he used to draw Rs 5.4 million salary


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Both the country’s currency and financial capital markets stabilised after Finance Minister Asad Umer reminded the nation through a televised message that he used to draw Rs 5.4 million salary at Engro.

“The money markets were in a tumble amidst rumours of the IMF wanting even more devaluation and that there seemed to be absolutely no coordination between the central bank and the finance ministry,” said Sadiq Khanani, a leading currency exchanger.

“But that uncertainty all dissipated when the finance minister announced his previous salary again.”

“Though he has been reminding the public many times, he should still keep on doing it,” Khanani added.

“In my years at the bourses, I had never been this insecure, except maybe during the crash of 2005,” said Saadat Hassan, a fund manager who works at the PSX.

“But as soon as the finance minister reminded us his salary, it calmed all of my clients down.”

“We still don’t know why it has calmed us down, neither did he explain the connection, but hey, whatever works,” he added.

Sources close to the finance minister say that the assertion is meant more to calm himself down, rather than the markets.

“He keeps telling himself he used to draw this salary and that he has enough savings to tide him through his upcoming unemployment.”