(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Tensions have flared up again in Pak-US relations as Pakistan has again transferred former DPO Pakpattan Rizwan Omer Gondal from his posting in a tit-for-tat response to President Donald Trump’s claim that Pakistan hasn’t “done a damn thing” for America.
“The decision is final and we will not budge from our position,” said Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi, while speaking to reporters at a Foreign Office press conference. “This is a new regime that the Americans are dealing with and they need to get used to it.”
The transfer is the third incident of recent times where the Pakistani state has actually gone to the length of transferring DPO Gondal, with the last time being back in September, when he was transferred in response to the US cancellation of the $300 million Coalition Support Fund to Pakistan.
Read more: Gondal transferred again in tough response to US cancellation of $300 million CSF
The decision has been met with widespread jubilation across the media and commentariat.
“This is exactly the sort of muscular nationalism that Pakistan needed,” said Mosharraf Zaidi, an Islamabad-based analyst and former Foreign Office employee. “Clear. Determined. Unafraid.”
“He’s a man’s man, the Kaptaan is,” said Wajahat S Khan, a television talk show host. “I’m bleeding green right now because of the overdue tough stance we have shown the Americans.”
“About time, Khan Saab. About time,” said a clearly emotional Khan, with tears in his eyes.
“That’s the spirit,” said Sirajuddin Haqqani, a businessman hailing from the tribal areas near the Pak-Afghan border. “Action against Gondal is the only viable option that Pakistan had, really.”
When contacted, Gondal said he was not surprised. “This made as much sense as the last couple of time.”