Govt appoints TLP sword protestor as new PITB chairman to replace Dr Umar Saif


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

LAHORE – The Punjab government has decided to appoint the tentatively known Tehrik-e-Labbaik Pakistan ‘sword protestor’ as replacement for Dr Umar Saif as the chairman of the Punjab Information Technology Board (PITB), it emerged on Monday.

Talking to The Dependent, the sword protestor, who prefers to go by the same name, confirmed that the government has approved a summary to appoint him.

“It is the prerogative of the government to appoint anyone they wish,” he said. “I have proven my IT credentials for the past two weeks. There is no one else who can take PITB forward.”

The soon to be confirmed PITB chairman claimed that no one in the history of any technology board could claim to have gone as viral as he did.

“IT is all about digital, online viewership, and there is nothing that represents the digital sphere better than memes. And there is nobody who represents memes better than me,” the sword protestor added. TLP chief, Khadim Rizvi, who last week oversaw the deployment of radical virtual assistant Ban The Siri to launch cyberattacks, is expected to be announced as the new IT minister to complement the appointment of his close aide, the sword protestor, as the PITB chairman.

“There is no better technology than the sword. It has served its purpose for the past millennia and a half,” Rizvi said while talking to The Dependent.

When questioned about the credentials of the new PITB chief and the faculty that he’ll be overseeing, including 100 PhD faculty members, Rizvi said, “Oye what PhD, we also have…” adding phrases that cannot be reproduced here.