Crisis in news media: massive layoffs at Geo; Mangoo to host Capital Talk

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(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

The twin-scourge of censorship and financial crisis in the Pakistani news media has worsened after Geo has also laid off a large number of its staffers.

“This is an internal matter,” said a representative from the Jang group. “We would like some organisational privacy here.”

Insiders, however, said that the massive salaries of some of the star anchors and, far more importantly, the inability of some of them to toe the line was what led to the lay-offs, including that of star anchor Hamid Mir.

“Even though Mir was back to giving a pretty much favourable viewpoint to the establishment, there was still the risk of his going back,” said the insider, on the condition of anonymity. “Plus, even the ‘cleaned up’ Hamid Mir seems to not be clean enough for the powers that be.”

Mangu from Donkey King has already started hosting the channel’s iconic Capital Talk. “There was talk of Junaid Muhammad picking up where he left off, because he had done a good job during Mir’s stint at Gourmet,” said the anonymous sources. “But he had once remarked on Twitter that Fauji Cornflakes Choco-Cups get soggy very quickly and that made him a completely unacceptable choice for the establishment, who made their views clear to the management.”

The Washing Machine did a decent first program and even managed to keep his guests under control when they started a shouting match with each other, because he started braying the panellists till they all stopped talking.