Better equipped to host FIFA World Cup 2022 in Qatar after Russia talks, says Taliban delegation


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

MOSCOW – After attending what is being dubbed a landmark international meeting on Afghanistan in Moscow aimed at kick-starting peace talks after decades of war, Taliban have expressed a note of positivity agreeing that the talks in Russia have been fruitful.

Following the meeting that featured 12 countries, including Members of Afghanistan’s High Peace Council, the five-member delegation from the Qatar-based political office of the Taliban accepted that they are better equipped to host the next FIFA World Cup.

The statement comes after the Taliban delegation revealed that they had been provided ‘invaluable’ tips from officials that organised this year’s tournament in Russia.

“We were taken to the Luzniki and Spartak stadiums in Moscow and given an orientation of how these things are done,” a member of the Taliban delegation said while talking to The Dependent.

“Considering that we’ve for long considered such activities haraam themselves, understanding the functionality of it all is a great place to start.”

Russian officials have revealed that hosting of the next FIFA World Cup was both a bargaining chip and a trial run for the Taliban governance.

“At FIFA 2022 we’ll get to see how much progress the Taliban have made in terms of dealing with what they believe is against Shariah,” Russian Foreign Ministry spokeswoman, Maria Zakharova said while talking to The Dependent.

“God knows how we learnt to tolerate the LGBT this year – albeit for little over a month. So if the Taliban can begin with tolerating women and allow alcohol sales promised at the World Cup, maybe it would hint at compromise,” she added.

“And so maybe if they can successfully organise a World Cup, they’d eventually be able to successfully organise Afghanistan.”

The next FIFA World Cup will be played in Qatar from November 21 to December 18, and will be the first to be hosted outside of the northern hemisphere summer, and also the first to be hosted by a jihadist group