Quick-thinking Naeem-ul-Haque uses Pakistan Citizen Portal to ask PM to wipe bread crumb off left cheek


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – Reaffirming that it is the quickest way to reach Prime Minister, his Special Assistant on Political Affairs Naeem-ul-Haq, on Tuesday asked Imran Khan to wipe a crumb of bread off his left cheek at a local hotel, The Dependent has reliably learnt.

Sources privy to Naeem-ul-Haque’s cell phone confirm that after an early dinner with a high level delegation, the senior Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) leader saw the chairman of his party, and the prime minister of the country, with remnants of food on his face and decided to make a move swiftly.

“He couldn’t have said it out loud or even gesture with such a high level delegation on the table. So he had to think out of the box,” a well-placed source told The Dependent.

“Knowing that the newly launched Pakistan Citizen Portal is the quickest means to reach the premier and give feedback Naeem-ul-Haque immediately registered his complaint on the portal – even though he had trouble figuring out which category his complaint fell under.”

After PM Khan wiped his face with a napkin after being politely informed by a fellow diner, Naeem-ul-Haque’s mavoeuvre stood vindicated.

Leading analysts have lauded the tech savvy approach of the premier and the PTI.

“I can assure you that no leader in the history of Pakistan has ever wiped bread crumbs off their face with such a forward looking outlook as Imran Khan,” said prominent analyst Ayaz Amir.

“I can assure you Nawaz Sharif couldn’t wipe his own face even if you gave him a towel and put a king-size mirror in front of him.”

At press time, Naeem-ul-Haque used the Pakistan Citizen Portal one more time to inform the premier that the tip he gave with the bill at such a posh restaurant was unbecoming of a head of government.