(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Even though Pakistan will have to go to the International Monetary Front (IMF) to seek financial assistance, as indicated by the prime minister, Pakistan just might be able to avoid going for the loan program, if the Saudi authorities were to murder just one more journalist.
These were the views of Finance Minister Asad Umer on Friday, while addressing a press conference.
“The unfortunate incident in Turkey was a fortunate incident, yes, but such windfalls still don’t plug the gap,” he said. “Now if we were to only have one more – just one more – such case, we could be talking about dropping the whole IMF idea.”
“And I mean it should be as brutal and nasty a case as this one. Not just press suppression or even a simple murder,” he continued. “It should be ghastly enough to invite condemnation from all over the world and for even close allies of Saudi Arabia to get incredibly queasy over it. THAT is a ka-chingg! moment for us. Nothing short of that.”
“I know, I know, you journalists in particular might think of this approach to be extremely callous and not even inventive statecraft, but just basic immorality. I, however, have to call it like I see it,” he said, in response to a question, but was soon corrected.
“Sir, you didn’t understand my question,” said analyst Mosharraf Zaidi, who was present at the presser. “In fact it wasn’t even a question; just a comment. I wanted to thank you on behalf of the nation. I know taking a centrist approach that is both morally clear, and anchored in reality is hard. Focusing on what’s best for our country, instead of our egos, even harder. Thank you, sir.”
“I’m adept at MS Word, have excellent English communication skills (written and spoken) and am a team player,” Zaidi added.