- It is woman who always loses
Being a girl, if not a curse, is surely not a privilege in any society. Constituting 49.55 percent of the global population, as per the data tabulated in 2015, this ‘other-half’ is subjected to varying facets of same problems all around the world. Violence against women and harassment are ardently practiced everywhere and has united people of all colours, castes and creeds. Another fact that is as universal as the aforementioned is that it is usually and mostly woman who suffers; it is up to her whether she eyes that suffering as an agony or a blessing in disguise. In either case, she has to fight, let it be with the society or with her self.
Having earned a baccalaureate degree in Biotechnology from a renowned university in Pakistan, I, too, was fighting. In fact, it would not be wrong to hold it as the biggest fight I have ever indulged in. It was with my self, my brain, my heart and my soul. This emotional struggle wherein mixed feelings come to blows and completely captivate your mind is probably what kept Hamlet engaged in deciding whether it was “nobler in the mind to suffer” or “to take Arms against a Sea of troubles”. The only problem with life is that it can only be lived once and that is precisely why girls juggle the options and remain dubious about their ultimate choice.
Being daughter of a working woman, I know all about its pros and cons. The working lady feels much more empowered; she does not have to look for financial help; her knowledge and skills do not go wasted; she positively contributes towards the betterment of society in ways that can be measured through such barometers as GDP; she is much higher on the ladder of gender equality; her family can afford and maintain a better lifestyle.
Many say that the cons of pursuing career after marriage and kids are suffered by such a woman’s family. The time which could have been spent in nurturing and grooming of children is burnt out at working places; keeping one’s family happy and satisfied becomes a difficult task for women who spend the lion’s share of their day outside the four walls of their houses.
Sympathisers try to contribute their two cents by narrating how seemingly impossible it is to manage both the entities – workplace and home – and that, too, by satisfying all stakeholders. “A day comprises only 24 hours,” they explain.
But being daughter of a working woman, I decided to take up full-time responsibility of homemaking and not work because I precisely know who gets affected the most – the woman herself.
It is flabbergasting how a woman, when asked about her job, manages to say, “I’m only a housewife, I’m afraid.” Does she mean to say that her only job is to be a custodian of the civilisation itself? Surprisingly, we never get to hear these words from other professionals: Only a barrister! Only a CEO! Only a nuclear physicist! Only the prime minister of Pakistan! When analysed, a homemaker apparently does nothing except taking care of household chores, that include nothing but mopping floors, doing laundry, preparing meals, washing dishes, cleaning bathrooms, watering plants, mowing lawns, taking out trash, waking up her husband and kids, ironing their clothes, and polishing their shoes. In another scenario, she might just be supervising one or more house workers and maids, but the job of tolerating her husband’s harsh tone and lashes is still hers. Thus, the whole package includes physical as well as mental exertion. Then what makes her feel so worthless and convinces her of being undeserving of social and financial security? Probably because her hard work and labourious efforts do not earn her wages and, therefore, cannot be gauged in the form of GDP which is a measure of the ‘market value’ of all the final goods and ‘services’ produced in a given period of time. Her performance cannot be quantified by any economic barometer and this fact becomes the cause of humiliation she faces at the hands of society and her own family.
Being daughter of a working woman, I know all about its pros and cons. The working lady feels much more empowered; she does not have to look for financial help
This kindles in such a woman the desire of being recognised, appreciated, respected and empowered. In search of all these forms of acceptance, she takes up an additional burden of working outside the house. No society is free from the germ of male chauvinism which is exactly why women, who join job sector in order to win social acceptance and security, have to face harassment and molestation by colleagues and strangers. They are eyed as public property because ‘honourable’ women do not leave their houses in the first place, according to some alien philosophy.
Besides, another chapter of her suffering begins when managing both workplaces – home and office – becomes difficult. In case she hires a maid, she is accused of being negligent. When she refuses to offload the burden neither of her ‘employers’ are fully happy and satisfied. So, what is the price being paid by housewives by taking an additional burden of working in offices and fields to get financial security? Burn a candle from both the ends and see the result – this is the cost which every working woman has to pay.
Out of guilt of not being able to give as much attention, care and time to her children as a housewife can, a working lady tries to and actually does even more, but only by exhausting herself till the last extent. She ensures her elder daughter gets to shop every week and attend every event at her school, while her boy gets the best gadgets and games, with her younger daughter getting school supplies on time, thanks to financial contribution in household. But she, being a mom, also ensures that her children remain focused towards their studies, do not get into the company of vile peers, and are made aware of values and morals which is an important aspect in their upbringing.
In the end, it is her ‘self’ which gets tired and does not let her think beyond her family. She does not care about the things she needs, the time her own body needs to be maintained, and the energy she needs to reserve for her peace. All she thinks about is her house, family and work and in the midst of all this chaos she loses the softness of her skin and heart alike.
Two of the many things the children of working ladies complain about are their mothers’ irritability and discipline. But it is not her fault. There is no option left except for her being punctual and highly disciplined when none of the stakeholders can be neglected and she has literally not time for tantrums as everything must run smoothly in order for her to perform efficiently. Irritability is yet another sad reality which is a part and parcel of this dual responsibility. Tolerance and flexibility continue to diminish pass the threshold level and beyond which bad mood and ill temper take their place.
Hence it can be conveniently said that women, whether working or homemakers, are not happy with what they are doing, thanks to the external factors that nag them about them not doing ‘enough’.
Why can we just not let them do whatever they want to do and let them take up whatever role they wish to when they know about their potential and capacity more than anyone else? My mother is a working woman, but this does not and should not decide my future as I might not have the courage to un-tap my potential and exhaust myself way before time. Similarly, a homemaker’s daughter can become anything and everything she wants to as she may be harbouring enough courage and wisdom to manage both the ends. Let them decide. For kids do not need a perfect mom. They need a happy one.
