(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
LAHORE – Opposition Leader in the National Assembly and Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) President Shehbaz Sharif on Thursday said he is ready to comprehensively defeat the enemies that he’s not allowed to take name of.
“This is a warning to those enemies of democracy, perpetuators of selective accountability, and antagonists of civilian supremacy, I will defeat you,” Shehbaz said while addressing a press conference.
“Just because you are creating these nexuses to undermine us and target us does not mean you’re stronger than us. I will singlehandedly hunt you down and take you down,” he added.
Shehbaz said those forces that take him lightly should fear the day he does the ‘worst possible thing’ to them.
“You know I have the power and the almost nuclear capability of taking your name,” Shehbaz warned his enemies. “Just because I am not allowed to, does not mean you should think that I am physically incapable of doing so.”
When probed, the PML-N president added he did not want to discuss the merit of the case opened up against him. “I want to talk about those people that I’m not allowed to name, because, you know, they should be very afraid of the very real possibility of me naming them one day – or at least using one of the really clever euphemisms in vogue these days.”