We even won the 1971 war, nation’s education boards decide


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

At a meeting of a confederation of the nation’s boards of secondary and intermediate education, it was decided that Pakistan even won the 1971 war.

“We decided that since we were already playing fast and loose with the laws of relating history by saying we won the ’65 war, we might as well go the whole way,” said Haider Hassan, Chairman, Federal Board of Intermediate and Secondary Education.

“I’m from the literature faculty,” said Faiz Cheema, chairman of the Lahore board, “and I know the rules of suspension of disbelief well. I say we’re coasting smoothly there; let’s milk this for its true potential.”

The move was immediately criticised by some former officers of the army itself, who said it was clear that it was Pakistan that lost the war, but the confederation is going to stick to its decision.

“If the views of former officers are so important, then let us not forget the report on ’65 by Gen (retd) Mahmud,” said Munazza Azam, FBISE spokesperson. “Let us not get bogged down by irrelevant things like what actually happened.”

“We appreciate this step by the boards,” said pro-military Rawalpindi politician Sheikh Rasheed. “Who knows, maybe five years from now, the Israelis might have lost the Six Day War of 1967 with the help of Pakistani forces.”