Mike Pompeo plays Never Have I Ever with civil-military leadership


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

ISLAMABAD – US Secretary of State Mike Pompeo on Wednesday played Never Have I Ever with the newly elected Pakistan government and the military leadership over multiple rounds in his five-hour visit to Islamabad.

The Chairman of the US Joint Chiefs of Staff General Joseph Dunford accompanied Pompeo as the judge, with the two contesting teams named civilian and military, led by Prime Minister Imran Khan and Army chief General Qamar Bajwa respectively.

PM Khan and Gen Bajwa were flanked by Foreign Minister Shah Mehmood Qureshi and Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) Director General Lt General Naveed Mukhtar respectively as Mike Pompeo hosted the rounds of Never Have I Ever.

The players were made to sit in a circle by the host and since the game was played in Pakistan, alcohol was replaced by mineral water, which was to be sipped every time a contested had done what was asked in the question.

Numerous questions were asked during the game, some of prominent ones being ‘never have I ever endorsed the Good/Bad Taliban policy’, ‘never have I ever safeguarded Osama bin Laden’, ‘never have I ever misappropriated US funding’, ‘never have I ever hated on the US were populism’, etc.

While initially the game was focused on generating interest for the American audience, after a while Pompeo began adding other questions to attract a wider audience.

Questions like ‘never have I ever rigged an election’ and ‘never have I ever ousted Nawaz Sharif’ prompted demand for extra water bottles.

The team that took less washroom breaks was announced as the winner.