Imran Ismail to demolish Bilawal House’s walls with powerful voice


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

KARACHI – In what is being seen as a first in both, the old and the Naya Pakistan, Sindh governor-designate Imran Ismail has vowed to sing a song that will demolish the walls of the Bilawal House in Karachi.

Ismail’s statement comes in the wake of a backlash from the Pakistan Peoples Party which questioned his authority as governor following his earlier statement vowing to demolish the walls of the Bilawal House.

“I am being told that the office I shall hold will not have the power to bring down those walls. Well, guess what? My voice does. Losers!” said Ismail while speaking to media outside the Mazar-e-Quaid on August 14.

“I sang Tabdeeli Aee Hai and voila! You think this tabdeeli was orchestrated by some khilaee makhlooq? No, darling. It was me.”

Ismail had come to the Quaid’s mausoleum to offer his respects but was not allowed to enter under the pretext of ‘security’.

When local authorities were questioned about the governor-designate not being allowed to enter, an official gave this correspondent a resting bitch face. “Err have you heard him sing? Ever?” was the official’s response. “You think we can afford that chaos? You don’t think it will turn into a law and order situation? How stupid do you think we are?”

This correspondent was unable to question the official further since answering trick questions in the past had rarely resulted in something informative, especially when, as a policy, medical costs are not covered by this satire publication.

Senior politicians of the PPP mocked Ismail’s statement stating that the governor-designate was perhaps unaware of the responsibilities that come with the post. “We think he really doesn’t know how it works,” said a senior PPP politician.

“We know now because we have been through this. In fact one of our most famous Chief Ministers, Qaim Ali Shah, thought he was a governor which is why he never did anything. ANYTHING. Now is that something anyone can challenge?”

Meanwhile, Hashmi Ispaghol is said to be in talks with the governor-designate to sponsor the wall-demolishing song that is expected to be recorded once Ismail takes the post officially. “We aren’t taking any risks because we have a brand that is known to perform for local audiences,” said an official of Hashmi Ispaghol’s team. “We have lined up some demolition sites so that we can test Ismail’s effectiveness and of course our brand will help him hit that destructive note.