(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – Chief of his own group of fighters Maulana Fazlur Rehman has expressed concern over the fate of the recently revived MMA.
The Maulana, as he’s fondly known in the underground, was extremely critical of his group’s defeat in the recent competition.
“Da f*** happened? I thought we were winning. There’s no way we could have been robbed,” a visibly upset Fazl told his teammates.
“Twelve is not a nice number. Six years ago we thought the world would end. The apocalypse in 2012 …. And that scared the shit outta me. The Maya civilization… What a bunch of b******!”
After failure in the recent competition, the teammates are trying to convince the Maulana to next take part in something bigger.
While the Maulana resisted, citing hope that the results for the previous competition might still be overturned and a rematch be called, but hinted he was willing to “retract his statement” if his teammates try to convince him with a “suitable halwa offer”.
“One does not simply say no to halwa. I’ve been with the establishment. I’ve colluded with hardliners. None were able to satisfy my appetite. A bunch of jackasses,” he said.
Fazl said he was also looking into other ventures, including a potential merger with Pro Wrestling Pakistan, which could effectively prove a competition to the Ultimate Fighting Championship.
“MMA as it stands hasn’t won me anything. A merger with Pro Wrestling could do wonders for me.”