(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – Pakistan’s Prime Minister elect Imran Khan, desiring to remain as such, clarified statements he made in his speech on Thursday, as the Pakistan Muslim League-Nawaz (PML-N) began winning National Assembly seats following recounts.
Talking on the phone, the Pakistan Tehrik-e-Insaf (PTI) chairman was heard clarifying in visible haste that his statement on trade with India was taken out of context.
“General, by trade, I meant trading nuclear threats with India,” Khan is heard saying in a video footage leaked to The Dependent. “The international media took it out of context. You know how they are our enemies, and we will collectively defeat them,” the PTI chief added.
After seemingly not being able to convince the other person on the phone, Khan is seen frantically gesturing in the video.
“General, I think you probably saw my speech on CNN, BBC or Al-Jazera, where they were running the translated voice behind mine. Those weren’t my words, those were the paid interpreter’s words. But did you see how handsome I looked?”
After half an hour of pleading, Khan was told that the NA count would be decreased as punishment, but he will be handed over coalition partners.
“If you misbehave again in the next few days, Punjab assembly will go as well,” the voice is heard scolding Khan in the video.