(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
SOMEWHERE IN PUNJAB – Local election candidate who will be contesting the upcoming elections for National Assembly and Provincial Assembly seats from Punjab, in a frantic call to The Dependent editorial board revealed that he had been informed what he is allowed to have for dinner tonight (Thursday).
Wishing to remain anonymous, hence choosing not to reveal his party (if any), the NA or PP constituencies, the candidate for the upcoming election revealed that the menu for all his meals till Wednesday, July 25, had also been decided.
“I had aalu shimla yesterday, why am I being forced to eat the same dish again,” the audibly scared politician said while talking to The Dependent.
“They say I’m going to be given baingan ka bharta tomorrow night, while there is bhindi for lunch tomorrow. They aren’t giving me meat till lunch on Sunday,” the unnamed political said, clearly shrieking, but not explaining who ‘they’ exactly are.
The candidate also confirmed that he has been informed of the quantity of food that he can consumer during the next seven days, and there is no chance that he would be allowed additional servings or even ‘gravy’, known elsewhere as suplee.
“Maybe I should just be grateful that kaali daal isn’t on the menu,” he said, before quickly hanging up after a person yelled at him to go to his room immediately.