(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
HELSINSKI – After winning the world over with the successful staging of the recently concluded FIFA World Cup, Russia President Vladimir Putin is confident that his country would win its bid to host the next World War.
At a summit with US President Donald Trump in Finland, Putin told reporters that Russia is ready to host the ‘biggest event of them all’.
“We saw the previous World Wars being hosted by multiple countries – which incidentally is also how the FIFA World Cup 2026 and the Euro 2020 would be hosted as well – but they are largely remembered in the negative light,” Putin said.
“Hence, we feel that it is time to give the hosting rights of the next World War to a single country – and which better country to do that than Russia, with the largest area and proximity to three of the seven continents, and of course with the memories of a truly amazing World Cup still fresh,” he added.
The Russian president maintained that even in the previous World Wars the decisive matches were held in Russia, which is another sign that the country should get the hosting rights.
While the United Nations committee on the Next World War is yet to announce the verdict, among those in contention are indeed the US. However, the US president insisted that his country wasn’t ready to host the event.
“How can a country that still hasn’t found Hillary Clinton’s 33,000 emails be trusted with the responsibility of hosting such a mega event?” Trump said while talking to the media.