(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
The Pakistan Muslim League has formally redefined as victorious any and all of its candidates who are not disqualified by Returning Officers or the judiciary by polling day.
“By now, we need to set realistic goals,” said Shehbaz Sharif, speaking to reporters in Karachi. “We know what’s going on and so do you. This is what is going to qualify as victory now.”
“We wish all our candidates the very best,” he said. “We want them to stay strong till the 25th and stay…qualified.”
Political analysts opined that matters were complicated by the fact that state agencies other than the judiciary might be actively trying to change the minds of the candidates.
“Well, the League’s calculations, though realistic, don’t take into account that even if the judiciary does not touch them, they may be not be Leaguers in the first place by polling day.”