PPP distributing VIP passes instead of party tickets

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(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

KARACHI – The Pakistan People’s Party (PPP) has decided to do away with the tradition of awarding party tickets this year, and is instead giving away VIP passes to contest the national and provincial elections on behalf of the party.

Around 160 VIP passes have been given away by the PPP at the time of filing of the piece, with many others expected to receive their VIP invitations to next month’s elections soon.

“We decided to mix things up a bit this year and go the Willy Wonka way,” PPP chairperson Bilawal Bhutto told The Dependent. “Although Willy Wonka technically gave away tickets, but they were golden. Our VIP passes come with something sweet and delicious as well: the PPP membership.”

Nawab Yousuf Talpur, a proud recipient of one of the VIP passes, told The Dependent that he’ll be there on July 25.

“This is one party I cannot afford to miss. I’ll be there with my family,” he said, confirming the presence of son Nawaz Taimoor Talpur as well, who has received a separate VIP pass.

Syed Qaim Ali Shah, who has been receiving his VIP passes for half a century, says he is ready to add some exuberance to the event.

“I’ve told the organisers to send e-passes 2023 onwards,” he said while talking to Asia Times. “We millennials ain’t got no time for paper.”