Malala double checks if she’s condemned all global atrocities before enjoying French fries at university café


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

OXFORD – Education activist and Nobel Laureate Malala Yousafzai on Thursday double checked if she had condemned all the injustices, brutalities and atrocities around the world, before lifting the first of the plateful of French fries that she had ordered at the Oxford University café during the gap between lessons.

Sources privy to the development confirmed that there was a gap to reconfirm the condemnations of any atrocities that she might have missed out on before eating every chip.

“The gap was decreasing, but it was there before every bite she took,” a source told The Dependent, adding that Yousafzai also regularly rechecked if her Google Alerts for keywords such as ‘terrorism’, ‘Pakistani dead’, ‘non-Muslim attacker’, ‘Pakistan condemns’, among others, had any updates.

Meanwhile, reports claim that Malala Yousfzai missed out on commenting on the National Assembly passing the merger between FATA and Khyber Pakhtunkhwa, while ordering the mango milkshake, which she was later seen enjoying drinking.

“She definitely does not care for her own Pashtun people, let along the Pakistanis #MalalaDrama,” said social media commentator Taimur Bhatti, who is neither Pashtun, nor a Nobel laureate, nor ever shot by the Taliban.