(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
ISLAMABAD – After ordering inquiry into the alleged money laundering of $4.9 into India by former premier Nawaz Sharif and his aides, National Accountability Bureau (NAB) on Wednesday clarified its investigation terming WhatsApp forwards as highly credible source of information.
In a press briefing, the bureau’s spokesperson said, “WhatsApp forwards are an irrefutable source for news and investigative reports. How can the message received on WhatsApp be made up?”
Despite the World Bank (WB) terming the reports of alleged money laundering as ‘incorrect’, the official remained reluctant to buy the local as well as foreign clarifications. Referring to the State Bank of Pakistan’s (SBP) press release in 2016 where it rejects the estimates of US $4.9 billion remittances from Pakistan to India, NAB spokesperson said that neither the SBP nor the WB can be trusted as much as an anonymous WhatsApp message.
“WA more reliable than WB,” the spokesperson maintained. When asked whether NAB had been fooled by fake news over WhatsApp, the official laughed and said, “This is not America, my friend.”
He added that NAB would be verifying the complaint with a team of highly qualified, exceptional and regular WhatsApp users.
“These professionals update their status daily. They will sit together and analyze the media reports by conversing with anonymous informants for a week. This will let them disclose details regarding how Nawaz Sharif and his aides sent money to India,” he revealed.
“NAB is dead serious about busting the money-laundering racket. We are a professional institution. We verify news reports and WhatsApp texts from other sources too. Like going through random posts on Twitter and Facebook.”
The NAB official further said that the bureau’s chief himself took notice of all media reports received on WhatsApp. “Forward as received is his mantra,” he maintained.
Official shows picture of NAB Chairman Justice (r) Javed Iqbal analyzing anonymous tip-offs received on WhatsApp.