Eighty percent of areas cleared from miscreant network’s influence


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)

Approximately 80 percent of the nation’s populace has been cleared of the influence of a major miscreant network.

“We are pleased to report that most of the country is now free from the influence of this dangerous network,” said Saleem Hassan, a spokesperson of the ministry of defence, addressing a press conference in Islamabad.

“None of this could have been made possible without the cooperation of our civilian population.”

“And by civilian population, I mean the cable operators, and by cooperation, I mean they complied when we explained to them what we would do to them if they didn’t,” he clarified.

Meanwhile, the remaining 20 percent of the country still remains under the influence of the said network, which Hassan said his department was working hard to fix.

“Let us show some patience and hold our resolve to eliminate this menace once and for all,” he said.

The press conference ended after banned organisation Jaish-e-Jamaatia insisted on using the press hall for its own purposes and that the ministry folks had ten minutes to vacate it.