Arrest warrants issued for Zardari for murder of KP PPP chapter

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Arrest warrants were issued for PPP co-chairperson Asif Ali Zardari for the alleged murder of the party’s chapter in the Khyber Pakhtunkhwa province.
The alleged incident took place when he called infamous policeman Rao Anwaar a “brave kid.” Anwaar himself, who had been instrumental in catalysing a national movement of Pashtun protesters across political lines, has not been named in the arrest warrants.
“The issue is sub judice, so I would not want to comment much,” said senior lawyer and PPP leader Ch Aitzaz Ahsen, who is going to be representing Zardari in court. “But we are going to be telling the court that the PPP’s KP chapter has already been dead for quite some time now.”