Nation’s journalists to wear mock suicide belts to avoid interrogation, abduction


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer)

ISLAMABAD/LAHORE/KARACHI – Pakistan Federal Union of Journalists (PFUJ), the Punjab Union of Journalists (PUJ) and Council of Pakistan Newspaper Editors (CPNE) have approved the dress code for fellow journalists, considering the challenges that they are facing.

According to reports, in addition to the mandatory press cards, the journalists will also be wearing mock suicide belts in order to avoid unnecessary interrogations and abductions.

“This would allow us to get quick security clearance and we would be able to reach our desired place in the quickest possible time,” said a senior print journalist while talking to The Dependent.

“And if the data available is anything to go by, there would be a significantly high success rate for us as well,” he added.

While nation’s leading journalists have condemned the move, those not in the mainstream believe that the idea is a ‘life saver’.

“Phew! The move is a life saver,” said a digital journalist who also runs a social media page for activists. “This would finally allow us to do our jobs properly without worrying about being kidnapped. This would be true for those who are the usual abductors and those that we are trying to imitate.”

Analysts are confident that Pakistan’s ranking in the list of world’s most dangerous countries for journalists would significantly reduce with media personnel equipped with explosive material.