White House to announce Trump’s Twitter schedule for 2018 within days


(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer)

WASHINGTON – The White House has said it wanted to see more impressions on US President Donald Trump’s tweets and that it would likely announce his schedule on the social media site within days.

“Our goal is that we know that we can do more to get more eyeballs and in turn more retweets and likes,” White House spokesperson Sarah Sanders told reporters on Tuesday.

“In terms of specific actions, I think you’ll see some more details come out on that in the next 24 to 48 hours.”

The US accused Pakistan of playing a “double game” on fighting terrorism and warned Islamabad it would have to like more of Trump’s tweets more if it wanted to maintain US aid.

“They can do more to stop terrorism and we want them to do that,” White House spokeswoman Sarah Sanders told reporters. “If there is no response to the President’s tweets – no likes let alone retweets – how would we know that the message has been conveyed?”

“It is essential for proper establishment of US policies that President Trump’s tweets reach as wide an audience as possible.”

The White House said it would likely announce actions to pressure Pakistan within days, shortly after US Ambassador Nikki Haley said at the United Nations that Washington would withhold $255 million in assistance to Pakistan.

“There are clear reasons for this. Pakistan has played a double game for years,“ Haley told reporters. “They follow us on Twitter, and they don’t follow the terrorists that attack our troops in Afghanistan.

“And yet they retweet them and never us.”