Behave yourself or won’t let USAID build toilets in KP, Imran warns Trump

(Disclaimer: this is a work of fiction. Learn to take a joke; you’ll live longer.)
Coming down strongly on the recent statements against Pakistan by US President Donald Trump, PTI Chairman Imran Khan said that if such behaviour continues, the PTI-led Khyber Pakhtunkhwa government won’t let USAID carry out development work in the province.
“We will teach Trump a lesson by refusing to let them build even toilets,” he said, while addressing reporters at an event organised by the US Embassy in Islamabad. “No way. And those irrigation projects that are providing water in DI Khan? Forget about those.
Our farmers will die rather than shamelessly accept such projects,” he said, while helping himself to a second helping at the event’s buffet dinner. “For what is development if it is done at the cost of your self-respect,” he asked.
“We will be able to survive without the USAID’s developmental work. And without the assistance from the World Bank and IMF, where the US has some leverage,” he said.
“How am I so sure? Well, I’ll have you know I have the best astrologers and numerologists saying that to me,” he reasoned. “Well, not all of them, but only slightly less than half of them.”


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